Most people want a lead in that will grab your attention and cause you to keep reading.
Not this time.
The one thing you can do that will completely change how you parent is to switch from
situational to thematic problem solving.
As a parent educator, someone comes to me to get help with their kids. A family of two parents and two kids. The problem with the older kid is that they are really s -l- o- w to do anything and nothing the parents do seem to get this kid to get to school on time. The younger kid is ACTIVE, bouncing off the walls and super physical in every way. The parents have tried everything to get their kids to change their behaviors. The older one: alarms, cold water, bribes, taking away privileges, earlier bed time.... The younger one: paying the kid to not move, yelling, ignoring and then yelling....Now what, they ask?
While parents want a to do list to stop the behaviors that are driving them crazy, I offer that a shift in perspective is most beneficial.
They are doing what I call: SITUATIONAL PROBLEM SOLVING.
Situational problem solving is when parents see:
each kid's issue being different from the other kid
every situation needing to be addressed separately
therefore trying to handle each problem based on what is happening
What I offer is THEMATIC PROBLEM SOLVING.
Thematic problem solving is when parents see:
the family as a unit and that everything gets handled based on the identified and defined VALUES OF THE FAMILY
and all issues and problems are handled based on actions that are demonstrations of the VALUES OF THE FAMILY
How does this work with the family described above?
What is the family value? Let's go with love.
What are the parents DOING when THE PARENTS are frustrated/overwhelmed with their kids that can be about LOVE?
I recommend that parents begin with breathing and smiling to re-set the primal brain's reactions. Then, it becomes actions of LOVE: to themselves and then to their kids.
WHEN A FAMILY DEFINES THEIR VALUES AND SPECIFICALLY DISCUSSES THE ACTIONS THAT REPRESENT THEIR VALUES, THE FAMILY CAN PROBLEM SOLVE FROM THAT PERSPECTIVE.
If you'd like to discuss how you can shift from Situational Problem Solving to Thematic Problem Solving, please reach out to me for a free 20 minute conversation.
Text/call for free 20 minute phone consultation